Empty Bookshelf Reviews

Author: Nate

  • 16 Favorite TV Moments of the Year


    “Remember the time when somebody put a big yellow bullseye in the middle of our living room?”

    Alton Brown’s Feasting on Asphalt– Alton Brown is a certifiable genius. Just watch any episode of Good Eats . I feel smarter every time I watch his show, so to combine that knowledge with a wonderfully-shot and incredibly interesting motorcycle trek across the backroads of America in search of local specialties is extremely compelling, especially in the last episode when Brown suffers a broken collarbone in a nasty wipeout in the Nevada desert.

    Craig Ferguson interviews Lauren Graham ” I’ve lost my love for Conan O’Brien’s show for some reason. Not that it’s not a good show, I just can’t take it every night of the week. He just seems too wooden and it’s like he’s always forcing his conversations with the guests. Craig Ferguson however is naturally funny and conversational, even if nowhere near as slickly-produced. The opening monologues are probably the most obvious example of the difference, with Ferguson’s stream of consciousness rant, as opposed to Conan’s formulaic one line setup followed by one line punchline. Anyway, this interview is the best example I’ve seen of why Ferguson ‘s show has become more entertaining, even if the production values are about one-tenth of Conan’s.

    Tim Russert interviews Barrack Obama on “The Tim Russert Show”” An hour and a half with the biggest “rock star” in politics, and probably the most universally admired since Kennedy (maybe?)” interviewed by Tim Russert? How can it go wrong?

    Red Sox win the World Series on LOST– With all the season two cliffhangers and questions and all that, I still think this character moment is the best from the year. While being held captive, Jack is confronted by the former Henry Gale, who tries to get Jack to cooperate, promising escape from the island. When Jack doesn’t believe him, Henry tells him that since the time they crashed on the island (way back in fall of 2004, more than a month before the World Series for that year) the Red Sox won the World Series. Way back in the first season, Jack had explained that his dad had always said the Red Sox would never win a championship, as a way of saying that things could never change because fate ruled everything. Henry knew Jack wouldn’t believe him, so he played the footage of Joe Buck calling the last out of the final game. In addition to proving that the “others” have contact with the outside world, this is incredibly important as to Jack’s outlook on the world, and watching this magical sports moment (one from another network, no less) again just gave me goosebumps.

    Edgar Dies on 24– In a year where killing off characters for ratings has become vogue (something that 24 managed to do countless times), this one is probably the second most shocking and well-done. (no, I’m not talking about the LOST deaths, see below). Granted, the guy who played Edgar had a clunky acting style, but the network handled it without blowing the surprise (something that promotions departments have forgotten how to do lately…. cough, cough, Heroes…cough), and it was emotionally resonant. The problem with it, like with all things that happen on 24, is that four weeks later in our time, it’s only four hours later on the show, and while we’ve totally put the death behind us, the people on the show shouldn’t have, but do, even though it’s not realistic”. Not that anything else on the show is realistic.

    Zayra Performs on Rockstar:Supernova– I couldn’t decide whether to put this in the good section or the bad one, so I did both. I wrote about her in my review of Rockstar:Supernova, and placed video links in my worst 15 moments list. Just incredibly strange, yet compelling television.

    Claire wakes up on the morgue table on Heroes– On a show known for its shocking endings, this was the best. A character who can heal herself fell and landed on some spike or something, and died temporarily. At the end of the episode, somebody takes the spike out of her head and walks away. Her eyes open up and the camera pulls out to reveal that she’s on the autopsy table with her chest cavity wide open. Great visual, and stunning end to an otherwise mediocre episode.

    The Office- Jim kisses Pam– After more than a year of building to it, it was the moment we all were waiting for. This season, however, even though they handled the post-kiss stuff well, I find myself rooting for the other girl instead of Pam.

    Lem Dies on The Shield– the single best death on TV this year. Hands down. Under investigation by the Internal Affairs Dept. and the crazy/awesome Forest Whittaker, one of Michael Chiklis’ team members goes into hiding, and eventually meets his tragic end. I won’t spoil how, but suffice it to say, Vic Mackey is gonna be on a rampage this season.

    Colbert interviews Washington D.C. representative– Stephen Colbert interviews the D.C. congressional representative and proceeds to tell her that D.C. doesn’t count because it’s the United STATES of America . This segment is a fantastic example of how quick and brilliant Colbert is, and what makes this show so great.

    30 Days goes to Mexico and India– The only socially conscious reality show out there (I don’t give credence to the manipulative Extreme Makeover: Home Edition), one episode had a border patrolling minuteman live with a family of immigrants. At one point he went to Mexico , to see where the family “lived” before they moved. Neither side was unlikable, and they both learned from each other and created a fantastic friendship. In another episode, a laid-off telemarketer travels to India to work there for a month. What makes this episode so unique is that they were there during the riots that ensued when an extremely popular actor died, a big story that nobody reported here in the states.

    Fear Factor is cancelled ” the most despicable show on TV (aside from Nancy Grace) finally saw the end of its run. Don’t fear, you fans of people eating horse anuses; you can still watch it in syndication somewhere.

    Bill O’Reilly town hall on Oprah-It’s interesting to see Bill O’Reilly in an environment where he’s not just yelling at everyone, and where people aren’t rightfully attacking him. Intelligent discourse is absent from his FOX NEWS show, and he’s always calm and on the defensive when on Letterman, but can barely get a word in edgewise. When put in a townhall setting on Oprah (there were actually men in the audience), he actually had a few valid points, as did the audience members who disagreed, but most of the time it didn’t devolve to a shouting match. I think that’s because when he’s out of his element (“on the attack” on his show) he knows that the best way to come out of an interview is to be low-key and let the other people look like idiots for their unwavering attacks on him. He’s still a blowhard and sees everything in black-and-white, but it was actually interesting to see people in her audience (and not elite and/or trailertrash white people) agreeing and defending him against others in intelligent ways.

    “Scrubs”- “My Lunch“ I was gonna put the “Mac Bangs Dennis’ Mom” episode of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”, but then I remembered that my favorite episode of “Scrubs” aired this year. As a testament to how good this episode was, it has the highest amount of reviews of any “Scrubs” episode, on tv.com, and the second highest overall rating. The end of this episode just floored me, and it makes me wonder even more how John C. McGinley has never gotten ANY award nominations for the show.

    Grammy Performances– Absolutely stunning performances at this years Grammys. From a brooding Springsteen, to Mary J. Blige somehow upstaging Bono in their duet, to Christina Aguilera proving why Britney will never be number one, the Grammy Awards managed to deliver the musical moments once again”. If we forget the awkwardness of seeing Paul McCartney perform with Linkin Park and Jay-Z.

    South Park Cartoon Wars– South Park shows why it’s the best and smartest animated program on TV. In a forty-minute span, the show takes on Family Guy’s writing, the Muslims who got pissed off at those cartoons from Denmark, the people who got pissed off at the Terrence and Phillip special from 1998, the networks’ refusal to air anything that might offend somebody, the Hollywood types, the people who like family guy, and the fact that Bart Simpson used to be considered “edgy”. And they do it all with a completely organic story, and characters that react as they normally would in the situation. Oh” and manatees.

  • 15 Favorite Sports Moments of the Year


    You know, if we would’ve sent Sacha BARON Cohen instead, he probably wouldn’t have fallen.

    Indy-Pittsburgh Divisional playoff game-Most exciting football game of the year. With the Steelers threatening to put the game away with under two minutes left, (after a disputed non-interception call, an Indy touchdown to put the game within three, and Peyton Manning getting sacked on his own three-yard line on fourth down) Jerome Bettis fumbles at the Indy 1-yard-line. Indy recovers and the guy runs halfway down the field. He’s beaten everyone except Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger who’s run diagonally across the field to tackle the guy returning it, whose wife stabbed him in the leg the night before. With 17 seconds left, Mike Vanederjagt misses a 46 yard field goal which would’ve tied it. Pittsburgh goes on to win the superbowl.

    Endy Chavez catch– Game seven of the Divisional series. Tie Score. Shea Stadium. Mets outfielder Endy Chavez goes back to save the game and makes the catch of the yea,r 3 feet over the fence to rob Scott Rolen of a two-run home run for the lead. If the Mets would have won that game, it would go down in the history books.

    Tigers beat the Yankees– the underdog team with less than half the payroll dominates the Yankees, sending them home. The best part is Kenny Rogers (not that one) on top of the dugout spraying the crowd with champaign.

    U.S. women’s curling team– I watched a TON of curling during the Winter Olympics. I know, I know” it’s boring. Well it can be, but it was always on, and I grew attached to the U.S. women’s team.

    Ryan Howard hits 3 home runs in a game– MVP Ryan Howard carries his team to victory with 3 home runs and 8 RBIs in a game. Also of note is the Home Run Derby contest, where he demolished the competition in the last round, and finished by hitting the “hit it here” sign.

    Dodgers hit 4 home runs to tie and one in extras to win– Surging into the playoffs, The Dodgers were losing in the bottom of the ninth, until back-to-back-to-back-to-back home runs tied the game. In the 10th inning, San Diego was up by one run, until Nomar Garciaparra hit the game winning home run.

    Travis Pastrana Motocross double backflip at X-games- I don’t usually watch the X-games, but it was on when I was working one night and I caught a ridiculous maneuver. As his competitors watched, rooting him on, Travis pulled off a motocross double backflip, something that’s never been done, and could’ve killed him.

    Vince Young beats USC– In the College National Title Game, Vince Young singlehandedly beats the top-ranked team in the country (one with two heisman winners on it) on a fourth down with 18 seconds left by scrambling to the end zone.

    UCLA beats USC– Arch-rival UCLA upsets top-ranked USC to block the University of Spoiled Children Trojans from making a third national title game in a row.

    Miami beats Chicago Bears– The Miami Dolphins, a 2-6 team, and the franchise with the only unbeaten season in history faces off against the 8-0 Chicago Bears and comes up with a win. Only in the NFL.

    World Baseball Classic begins– After Baseball was discontinued from the Olympics for some inane reason, Bud Selig and some other people created a once every four years world tournament. Bravo.

    Kobe scores 81– Despite the fact that I’m not the biggest basketball follower, scoring 81 points in a game is a totally insane achievement.

    Tiger hits a bogey off a roof– In a classic display of why he’s the greatest, Tiger Woods totally screwed up off the tee and hit the ball onto the roof of a nearby building. The placed the ball on the ground by the building, but still far off the course. To finish only one stroke over par’s a strong achievement.

    Agassi plays two classics at U.S. open before retiring– In his last tournament ever, Agassi gives us an unbelievably intense 5 set match, and then goes out in a tough four in the next round. I don’t watch a lot of tennis, but that five-set match was as captivating as anything I’ve ever seen. What made it all the more dramatic was that if he lost, his career was over. And when it finally was, he went out like a pro.

    World Cup game– While the Finals game was great and intense (being decided by penalty kicks, and France’s star Zidane headbutting that guy, and the Australian team came out of nowhere to advance to the second round, I think that the U.S.-France game was my personal favorite. The U.S. team lost its first game and looked terrible, but in their second game they managed to tie the second place France team that won all of its other games, save the Finals. Granted, the goal that U.S.A. scored was actually an “own goal” from the France team, but they played most of the game with only nine people. A valiant display from an overall underachieving team.

  • 15 Least Favorite TV Moments of the Year

    The first in a series of end of the year lists. Sorry for no star ratings, but all of these would fall between zero and one star.


    “Are you aware that we have a sketch about Commedia dell’arte?”
    “Sure. I love the works of Moliere and his contemporaries”
    “Since most of them aren’t familiar with 17th Century French theatre, we should maybe do something our audience might actually enjoy, or find funny?”
    “It’s Italian, and you know, you should really stop dangling your modifiers like that”
    “HAHAHAHAHAHA. You’re an hilarious writer who is a thinly veiled representation of our show’s creator.”
    “God I hate reality shows.”

    Runners up:

    Fox cancels ‘Arrested Development’    – Granted the ratings were bad, and viewership was leaking due to mishandled promotions/timeslots and the overall nature of the show, but it was still sad to see it go.

    Oprah making a big deal over the fact that that guy’s memoir wasn’t real, even though it still was an inspirational story.

    Megan Mullally upstages Meat Loaf – Megan Mullally has a talk show… a really annoying one, and when Meat Loaf came on to perform from ‘Bat Out of Hell 3’, she had to jump in and sing the last part of “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” with him. If it was anyone else, it might not have seemed that bad, but she did it in a way that screamed “it’s all about me!”. Talk shows should be about making your guest look interesting, not feeding your huge ego. It just came off as incredibly awkward.

    The finalists… in no particular order.

    ‘My Super Sweet 16’– The new king of hated television. Why should I watch rich, obnoxious people demand things of their parents in a manner worse than Veruca Salt? Because I’m supposed to root against them? It doesn’t seem that way, instead encouraging kids to be ungrateful and rude.

    Nancy Grace– Any single show will do, but I’d go with the one where she accused someone of killing their own child during an interview (Nancy accused her during the interview; she didn’t kill the kid during it), leading the woman to shoot herself. Way to go Nancy . You inadvertently killed someone.

    Gwen Stefani performs at A.M.A.s ” From the moment they said she would be debuting her new hit, I knew there was gonna be trouble. Sure enough, there was yodeling, there were Asian girls in lederhosen with blonde wigs, there were sheep. Completely strange, and completely awful.

    Chevy Chase on ‘Law and Order’ ” RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES!! Chevy Chase plays a washed-up star of some sort who gets arrested for killing a Jewish person. The writing is awful, the story was awful, and even the acting was atrocious. Not only that but it made the Mel Gibson story out to be a lot more than it actually was.

    Connie Chung Goodbye Song– Connie Chung and Maury Povich apparently had a show together. Take a guess how long it lasted. On her last show, she got up on top of a piano like a lounge singer and began to wail (and I mean wail) out a rendition of ‘thanks for the memories’. It became a moderate internet phenomenon because of how awful it was.

    Any episode of ‘The War At Home’    – Just plain awful” they took Arrested Development off for this?

    Roger Daltry as the Makeup Killer on ‘CSI’– On thanksgiving night, I watched CSI for the first” and hopefully last, time. Roger Daltry played a mobster who these four guys thought was dead. Then years later he got his revenge on them by dressing up in fat suits and disguising himself as women in order to kill them. Not sure why one of the greatest frontmen in rock history would decide to do this, but I guess the royalty checks he gets for them using his songs is probably a good bet.

    ‘Celebrity Duets’– Take ‘Dancing with the Stars’ and mix it with ‘American Idol’. What do you get? This craptacular hour of awful celebs singing awfully was thankfully over after only a few weeks. I guess that’s what you get when your judges are Marie Osmond and Little Richard

    Tony dies on ’24’– Unlike Edgar’s death, this one was handled incredibly poorly. Tony was the only character besides Jack Bauer left from the first season. He was universally loved by this point, as Jack’s right-hand-man. He spent half the season unconscious and then he gets up to try and kill the man who killed his wife. He lets up for national security reasons, and gets stabbed with a hypodermic needle of death. He falls over dead, and nobody mentions him ever again. Completely unnecessary, not as dramatic as it should’ve been, and ambiguous to the point where the audience doesn’t even think he’s dead. Why keep him alive but unconscious for all those episodes if you’re just going to kill him as soon as he wakes up?

    Zayra on ‘Rockstar: Supernova’     ” Strange vocals from someone who wants to be a rock star. I can’t believe the producers picked her over someone more qualified, even though she makes for great, yet horrible TV.

    ‘Studio 60’ tells us we’re idiots     ” It seems like every week, ‘Studio 60’ is talking down to the mainstream public and treating Hollywood like the be-all-and end-all of civilization. I’ve been to California . People there aren’t all that smart.

    Dane Cook returns to ‘SNL’    – If you didn’t think his first time (a mere months earlier) hosting the show was funny, you won’t be surprised at the results of this show. Another long “stand-up” set as his monologue, more gay voices, and one of the worst sketches I’ve ever seen. It went so far as to try to explain away it’s awfulness at the end, with a self-aware “lantern“, but that’s like using a suction pump to stop the bleeding.

    ‘Seventh Heaven’ returns from the dead    – it was finally cancelled. That awful show about the perfect and huge family with a one-parent income”. Until the CW executives saw the ratings for the series finale. Now, with almost the entire original cast having moved on, the Camdens have 4 random street-teens living with them for some reason. Just have the second series finale already.

    WWE; Degeneration X drops feces on the McMahons– Wrestling fans have dealt with a lot of crap (no pun intended): The Katie Vick Story, The Gay Wedding Story, Al Wilson, Eugene, Paternity in a suitcase Ladder Match” but dumping a pile of feces on the boss’ family tops everything. When people ask me how I can defend that, I have no answer.

    ‘High School Musical’– The biggest phenomenon in all of TV this year saw awful acting and writing manage to hypnotize “tweens” everywhere into making the soundtrack the year’s top-selling CD. Every time it airs, it’s in the top 20 cable shows of the week, even though these people have seen it 20 times each.

  • The Concept of Prehistoric Park

    This might be my last traditional review of the year, considering we’re nearing the end of 2006. In this last month of the year, everybody likes to see best and worst of the year lists, so be prepared to be bombarded with those for the next few weeks, culminating with my Top 10 Lists of the Year. Ooooh meta-humor.


    Ahhh the good old days when TV about Dinosaurs was relegated to them hitting each other with frying pans. If only Prehistoric Park had a little more of that.

    Imagine, if you will, if Jurassic Park were a TV show. Wouldn’t that be exciting? Dinosaurs running around, tearing up each other and people, and all kinds of exciting action week after week. You could have park rangers dealing with all of the problems of running a park for dinosaurs, getting eaten while trying to feed them. I can’t really think of any good storylines, but this is dinosaurs and people in the same environment! This is like the holy grail of excitement… unless you count the Flintstones, and that horrible movie “Carnosaur“… god that was bad

    So when I heard about this show, Prehistoric Park, that’s on Animal Planet (originally, it was made for British television, but I would bet that they had a deal with American TV before it was made for funding purposes), I just had to check it out. I was completely let down. There I am with my bowl of popcorn and my dino-pajamas, waiting to see an action-packed hour of dino-tainment, and I’m bored to tears. Why?

    Well, “Prehistoric Park” is a documentary about an animal preserve where the curator goes back in time through some sort of timecube or stargate:atlantis or something and brings the dinosaurs back to his park, where he doesn’t do anything except keep them in pens and watch their health. That’s not entirely true. The last episode had a large “plot” involving saber-toothed tiger husbandry. You heard me. As a documentary on this completely real place, and the fact that it’s been made for educational purposes, obviously the main point is to tell us all about the behavior of these dinosaurs and how to medically and behaviorally care for them. And that’s about as exciting, as say, a documentary on real tiger husbandry, and who would really care about that?

    I’ve boiled the conceptual problems down to three areas: First of all, since this park is entirely real (it is a documentary after all) are we to believe that these people have never seen or heard of Jurassic Park? You would think that if you were planning a dinosaur island theme park, Jurassic Park would probably be the first place you would look to do research. And you would realize that no matter how safely you think your T-Rex is kept, it’s not. Rule number 1 about having an island dinosaur preserve” No T-Rexes. Even if you have your giant electrical fences or in the case of Prehistoric Park, just giant wooden fences,he T-Rex is gonna get out. If we learned one thing from “The Lost World“, it’s that San Diego is not prepared for a T-Rex attack. (granted, that was pre-9/11, but I seriously doubt that the D.H.S. has a plan for dinosaur attacks). I understand that it’s very unlikely and that The Lost World was a movie, but this is a documentary, so you’d think these Palienticians would be more responsible. They’re just as bad as Cartographers

    Secondly, haven’t they ever seen a time-travel movie? In fact there was one that came out about a year or so ago called “A Sound of Thunder” that dealt specifically to going back to the time of dinosaurs and hunting them. When the wrong ones ended up shot, the future (present) was entirely changed. Who knows, they could be abducting the dinosaur that brought their great-great-great etc grandparents together creating a time paradox that could rip apart the space-time continuum. Even if that didn’t happen, think of the change to the animal food chain, what with humans being knocked down a notch… granted, there are a few too many Canadians for my taste. But still, that doesn’t sound like something I want happening on my watch. You people are supposed to be responsible scientists; get your act together.

    For my third point, I have a confession to make. While this show is presented as a documentary, I’ve recently been informed that it really isn’t and that it’s just presented that way to tell you boring information about dinosaur life that you never had any desire to know. This doesn’t make any sense to me. Nobody was ever around when dinosaurs lived. How do we know that there weren’t McDino-lds walk-throughs, or that specific plants made certain dinos sick. The only evidence we have is bones, and some eggs. Everything in this show is presented so seriously that we automatically take every single word for fact. It’s like if the croc hunter went after velociraptors instead of stingrays”. well the result would still be the same either way. Anyway, they could really tell us anything about dinosaurs (say they all wore blue hats, drank horse urine, and were the largest exporter of human pubis in the world) and we’d believe them.

    I always liked learning about dinosaurs because there were so many different kinds, all with their own special features and fighting styles. I wanted to see them fight each other and stuff like all kids do. This show totally de-mystifies the whole dinosaur idea, basically showing us the medical side of running a dinosaur theme park, and unless you’re one of the few people who are interested in paleo-veterinary-zoology you’ll be as completely bored as I was.

    *
    The concept of “Prehistoric Park” gets one star due to having a good idea to start off with and completely wasting it. This show is like watching people oil and polish Transformers instead of letting them do what they do best: shoot laser beams.

  • The Promotion of ‘Borat:Cultural Learnings of Ame’rica for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan’


    Maybe this ridiculous outfit is what I need to get the womens. High Five!

    This guy is everywhere! I mean it. I mean it. Not just the ubiquitous ads for the movie, either. He may very well be the first person I’ve seen promoting one thing on Letterman, Leno, Conan, and The Daily Show, and a half-hour appearance in Opie and Anthony, in less than two weeks. And not only has the actor, Sacha Baron Cohen, been on all of them, he’s been on all of the as Borat, and done so in multiple segments on at least two of them. On Leno, he made a bed with Martha Stewart, and on Conan, he chased Conan around the stage with a pair of scissors, followed by one of the most bizarre musical performances I’ve seen on his show. In all four appearances the interview topics were different and fresh. Here’s a compendium of all of the media appearances. The guy even had a “float” in the NY Halloween parade, which is basically just a costume showcase and giant party. The “float” consisted of about 20 Borat impersonators. Completely ludicrous. I’m sure he’s got a myspace thing going as well. I have never seen an ad campaign for a film that was so in your face. The thing is, the movie was so inexpensive that it made up its cost in the first week. They can throw all kinds of money into the advertising, and it’ll still come out on top. And it’s an hilarious movie to boot. Congrats on getting everyone in the country’s attention.

    *****

    There isn’t a person in the country who doesn’t know about this movie. I’m nearly certain. Five stars.

  • Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

    Before I start, let me say that I’m going to be abbreviating the name of the show to “Studio 60”, both for the name of the show, and the show with-in the show. Our dictatorial leader may argue against that, saying that I don’t work on the show. I do though happen to be friends with someone who does work on the show, so I think that’s close enough. Also, Jenna, if you read this, don’t hate me. I have missed either one or two of the episodes, so if anybody has seen anything on them that contradicts my findings, let me know.


    Could we BE any funnier?…. No I actually mean that. These are the most serious comedians I’ve ever seen.

    I want Studio 60 to succeed. I really do. In theory. The problem is that I can’t bring myself to like it as much as I think I should. While I like a good deal of the characters (or at least their potential) and possible conflict ideas that could be presented, the actual realization of these characters and stories is leaving a bit to be desired in my mind.

    Maybe the bar has just been set too high. The creator/writer of the show is the guy behind the West Wing, and one of my personal favorites, Sports Night. Heck, I even patterned my senior video project after this style, with moderate success. I guess my thought was that he’d be able to take best parts of West Wing, and apply them to the same themes and fast-paced nature that Sports Night brought us. Plus there was an “all-star” cast. I don’t argue with the caliber of the lead actors, but, NBC, saying that Sarah Paulson and Nate Corddry are stars doesn’t make them that. That’s like saying that Diet Coke tastes great. It really doesn’t, but the more you hear it, the more you start to believe it may be true. Unfortunately, when you go to taste it, you know you’re completely wrong.

    That’s not to say that the two of them aren’t serviceable. They’re perfectly fine actors. Do I believe that they, along with D.L. Hughley, are stars of a late night comedy show? Mostly no. I think this is more of a testament to how they’re written, rather than how they’re performed. But I’ll get to that.

    I think that one of the show’s problems is that its focus is too wide. Rather than having a few main characters and a bunch of side characters, they decided to give everyone a more equal share of the time, this being the reason that NBC decided to tell us about fifteen names of people starring on the show. What made Sport Night so good wasn’t its author’s famous idealism, or his apparent love of TV/sports as means to change people’s lives, but it was the relationship between the two leads, played by Peter Krause (who has since been nominated for multiple emmys for Six Feet Under) and Josh Charles, (who has since appeared in Muppets From Space). These two were written and portrayed perfectly, making us believe that they were age-old friends and not just two actors who were thrown together after auditions. It was pure perfection. Of course there were other characters including what I would bill as two other leads, two supporting roles, and a bunch of side/background characters who were always there and consistently had lines, but no stories focused on them.


    “Are you aware that we have a sketch about Commedia dell’arte?”
    “Sure. I love the works of Moliere and his contemporaries”
    “Since most of them aren’t familiar with 17th Century French theatre, we should maybe do something our audience might actually enjoy, or find funny?”
    “It’s Italian, and you know, you should really stop dangling your modifiers like that”
    “HAHAHAHAHAHA. You’re an hilarious writer who is a thinly veiled representation of our show’s creator.”
    “God I hate reality shows.”

    Studio 60 (the drama) recycles this relationship, and even with Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford playing the parts, it just doesn’t seem the same. They just don’t have that “I know what you’re thinking before you even thought about it” vibe that they could. I understand that the scenes are shorter and slower than on Sports Night, but Perry and Whitford’s characters just don’t give off that best friends thing, as much as everyone on the show says.

    In fact, that’s probably the show’s second biggest problem. Nobody lives up to their self-induced hype. These two are supposed to be a Brilliant writer, and producer, but every sketch we’ve seen Perry write has been mostly unfunny, and I barely ever see Whitford doing any sort of show-running. It extends to other characters and even the show itself. Amanda Peet is touted as a network-saving genius studio executive, even though all she does is hang out at Studio 60 (there must not be other shows on her network), talk about not having friends, and look knowingly at Perry and Whitford” about what, I don’t know. The three big stars of the show seem just too uptight and serious backstage, and not loose and funny as you’d expect them to be ” especially at the many wrap parties we’ve been able to see. In fact we’ve seen more wrap parties than actual episodes of the show on the show. They should just call it “Hollywood Post-Show Cocktail Party”. And because of that we have no reason to believe that the show (within the show) is actually improving (the reason that Perry and Whitford were brought in to run it in the first place). Everyone talks about how great the variety show is, but all I’ve seen are a few awful GWB impressions, two introductions for the Nicolas Cage show, “Meet the Press with Juliet Lewis” (???), and multiple indictments of organized religion (one of which was so “brilliant”” and hyped” that we felt cheated when we didn’t even get to see any of it).

    Maybe it’s ripping SNL’s inability to be funny, but the theme of the show is so idealistic about the power of good entertainment, and the lack of that on TV that I hardly think that’s the case. It seems to be saying that SNL (which exists in the world of Studio 60) is bad, but could be as great as it once was (the overhyped nostalgia at work)” but offers few solutions as to what the remedy could be.

    Which brings me to the biggest problem. Sorkin was ALWAYS preachy. There was the episodes of Sports Night dealing with moral issues of hunting, flying the confederate flag, marijuana legalization, and more, and those were in the first 7 episodes. The West Wing took that to another level by having the perfect president tell everyone how things should be in an ideal world. There was a post-9/11 episode that consisted of the White House staff talking to a group on a field trip about why the terrorists hate America, and what a perfect world would be like, and who could forget the President yelling at God from inside the national cathedral.

    Studio 60 (the drama) seems to take that preachiness and force-feed us, with multiple morals for each episode. If I want my morals given to me, I want them in small doses. This past week we were given two separate lectures on the merits of television history (including the fact that neither of Nate Corddry’s fifty-some year old parents had never heard of Abbot and Costello or “Who’s on First”, and the other story being about blacklisting), the plight of the smart black comedian to rise above stereotypes and dangerous upbringings, and a studio executive going on a tirade against a drama set in the U.N. that nobody would care about (a nod to executives questioning The West Wing in its formative years?…at the very least a shot at execs for not liking “smart” TV). All of these were not only blatantly told to us, but in HUUUUGE monologues that not only lacked any kind of subtlety, but rather than informing, seemed to condescend by telling us that we don’t know as much as Aaron Sorkin. We get it. You’re a well-educated Hollywood big shot, and we’re small America, and therefore we’re idiots. I’ve got news for you. Small America probably couldn’t care less about how much you know, and by treating them like know-nothings, you defeat your purpose of turning people to good TV, by driving them away.

    And for a show that’s as slickly produced, and high-and-mighty about how bad everything else on TV is, you surely have given us some predictable storylines. A vagrant walks into the dressing room of the building and takes an old staff picture that’s hanging on the wall. He mutters the names of some famous old-time Hollywood writers. It turns out that he’s one of the people in the picture!!!! What a shock! D.L. Hughley takes Matthew Perry to see a black stand-up comic, in hopes that he’ll bring some diversity to the writing staff. The comic is the stereotypical “whites do things this way, and blacks do them this way” guy, and Hughley is embarrassed. The two of them hang out at the bar though, and as they’re about to leave, they hear a guy who would be great on the staff!!! I was surprised!!! Perry’s ex-girlfriend and star of the show starts dating a baseball player. He’s not such a good guy, it turns out!!! OMG!!!

    NBC is wondering why nobody is watching what was the most talked about show for the fall season. The thing is, they did watch. The first episode did good numbers. The show has been steadily losing viewers each week, and it’s not hard to see why. People don’t like being told what to think by Hollywood types, not overtly at least. Sorkin tried to do with L.A. what he did with Washington, make a corrupt system look ideal. The situations in Hollywood, though, just seem superficial compared to the problems that a world leader faces, and offer less logical ways to discuss things of such vast importance. While I agree with what Sorkin says, I disagree with how he’s saying it these days.

    I’ll keep watching. I want to like the show. But will I miss the characters when it ends? Will I want to know what happens to them? Not really. Sorkin has chosen his themes and morals over his characters this time around, and not even I have the blinders to overlook it. I believe in the ideal of “Studio 60”, (that quality TV is going by the wayside, and that the American audience is complacent with watching crap) just not the way it’s being fed to me.

    **

    Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip receives two stars for being an incredibly polished and well put-together show, better than 80 percent of TV these days, but one that knows it, and rubs its face in the fact that the rest of television is awful except for it, the program that will restore brains to the boob-tube. Characters suffer because of Sorkin’s need to prove a point, and the name dropping of obscure authors, musicians, etc. only serve to alienate the audience that it depends on to keep running. Please, just don’t blame the fans for not watching your quality television program; blame yourself.

  • getting ripped off by your long-distance carrier/ISP

    I’ve been ripped off huuuuge. Conned. Bamboozled. Gypped. Screwed. And like in any con, the only person I have to blame is myself.


    17 miles is a long distance from Bethlehem, but not from 3 minutes away from here

    A few months ago my modem died. I was without internet at home for a while but I was still paying for the service, mostly because I kept telling myself that I’d be getting a new modem shortly. Eventually, thanks to Dan, I got one, and when I went to log in, there was a kindly message from People PC telling me that they added some new numbers and if i wanted to add them, I could. I checked out the new location, someplace maybe 15-20 miles from here on the other side of allentown. The area code was the same as mine, so I added it and figured that it would be thrown down at the bottom of the list that I already had.

    Today I woke up to my mom crying out in frustration. She showed me the phone bill, with huge charges to a phone number I didn’t recognize in a town that I didn’t recognize. I realized it could only be one thing, and I went to see what number my dial-up connection had been dialing. Sure enough, it was the same number.

    Since I left my internet connected (a period of 241 minutes each time), and each session for the last two weeks ranged in price from 29 dollars to 60 dollars, I managed to rack up a nineteen day total of $810. You heard me. I’m glad I have some money saved up, because that’s the kind of mistake that makes you homeless. Just think, there’s still another four days worth of internet connectivity to be had on the next bill!!

    Still, not understanding the reason for the long distance charge, we called to complain to the Verizon managers. We spoke to higher-ups, and higher-higher-ups, and all we got was the same response. “This is not our fault”. If you look in your phone book, you’ll see that a call to that place is long distance. I say, “But the area code is the same; how can that be long-distance.” “It doesn’t go by area code. It goes by exchange number (the first three digits). In your phone book you’ll find a listing of the exchange numbers that are local to your area that you can call.”

    Of course I went to the phone book and found that sure enough, in Bethlehem, PA, that number is not in the “local” area. If however, I were to live literally two minutes away from here, in Allentown, it would’ve been perfectly fine.

    I can’t blame the ISP because they have a waiver that you click on that says that you’re responsible for all charges incurred by your phone provider. I can’t blame Verizon because the phone book clearly doesn’t list that area as a “local” call. And now I’m out 800 dollars because long distance doesn’t go by area codes, and because that new phone number somehow got set to default.

    Verizon managed to take off 20 percent, so technically I’m only out 640 dollars, but that’s still a huuge chunk of money for 3 weeks of internet service that was mostly slow anyway.

    One thing I can’t understand, and didn’t think of it until after my conversation with the Verizon guy ended, is that if they were a credit card company, and they saw that there were large, abnormal changes to the bill, they would call (hopefully) to make sure that all was right. How come the phone company, after a few days of these enormous charges didn’t bother to think that something was abnormal or wrong about this. Why did they let it go on for weeks and weeks? I understand that with a credit card, there runs a risk of it being stolen, and that’s why those companies do that, to provide security. I just don’t understand how something like this goes unnoticed until the bill arrives. Nobody thinks that four hours of long distance calling per day is strange? In my opinion, Verizon was negligent.

    But like I said, I can’t really hold them accountable for anything, because it’s clearly defined in small print some place I would never bother to look. Bravo legal experts and money-grabbing corporations. You suckered a man out of two weeks pay.


    This may be the most humiliating, degrading, and definitely costly thing that’s happened to me all year… keep in mind that I bombed at a job interview at NBC.

  • That new U2/Green Day Song

    I guess I just don’t understand the point. U2 needed a single for their approximately fifth greatest hits collection. Rather than come up with a really good song themselves, they enlisted the help of a band that while good, just doesn’t seem like the right fit with U2: Green Day. Not that Green Day can’t play, but the two bands’ styles are just a little too different to mesh collectively, not unlike that time where about 16 different musicians got up onstage at the Grammys and butchered Lennon/McCartney’s “Across the Universe”. Paul’s probably rolling in his grave. “twice

    Getting back to the matter at hand, they decided to make their newest hit something for the people in New Orleans . Instead of going the traditional route involving thoughtful lyrics about the condition of the area, or people’s struggles, they decided that the second half of the song should consist of the phrase “The Saints are Coming”, repeated over and over and over again, in a musical phrase that has definitely been taken from somewhere that I can’t quite place. They chose to debut this song at the reopening of the Superdome, for the Saints-Falcons Monday night game a few weeks ago, and it works perfectly as an opening theme song for the football team during games. I can’t imagine, however, that this song is going to be remembered at all in even one year’s time, and that’s a shame considering that this is all that two of the most prolific bands of the last 15 years could come up with. It’s almost like they weren’t trying.

    They could very well have been trying something new though. This could be the start of product placement within the music industry. Well, I guess that’s not new” but maybe actually using the songs on the radio to promote something. It would be like the Eagles writing a song about how great the Philadelphia Eagles are, to get them pumped up, or AC DC writing a song for the Chargers (HA!), or Bad Company writing a song called “Bad Company” and using it at Enron meetings (BA-ZING).

    And isn’t Bono’s thing Africa , anyway? Why didn’t they use the power of song to put together a group to raise funds for Africa “. Oh wait” I forgot” Well, why didn’t they do it again? A world-renowned, self-appointed ambassador to a far-off and underprivileged continent can’t be taking time away from that to help another cause, especially one that’s been nigh on forgotten by most of the world ( You know you’re lost in your own logic when you can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not). I mean, you don’t see Brangelina Polie out there helping America ‘s homeless people, or fighting drug abuse, or all the millions of issues people here face every day. And that’s because they have character. They know that if they multi-task, not only do run the risk of reducing the importance of their cause, but they also reduce the importance of other, more useless celebrities. By doing double duty (I said Doody!… I guess that doesn’t work as well when typed out) when it comes to activism, you’re the one putting Rob Scheider out of a job. It’s on your head Bono.

    What was I talking about? Oh, this dumb song. Like I said, it may be good for the football team, but call me cold; I don’t really care about the Saints. It was nice to see them play well, but not nice enough for me to listen to an awful song that could’ve been better.

    *

    One star for trying to bring some attention back to New Orleans , and making a song that they’ll be playing forever at Saints games. Minus four stars for making the rest of us listen to it, and possibly starting a trend of individually-made rock songs for a specific sports team. The last thing we need is a re-made version of “Benny and the Jets” about New York’s lesser football squad. We already have to deal with that annoying J-E-T-S cheer. That should be enough.

  • The Death of WKAP


    WKAP failed in its bid to be the real version of WKRP. It was not based in Cincinatti.

    Call me lame. I like oldies music. Not like the sleepy old easy listening fifties stuff that you’re used to thinking about when you think of AM radio. I’m talking about the British Invasion of 1965, the California surf sound, a little bit of Motown, some Doo-Wop, and the Four Seasons. The origins of rock and roll. I don’t really listen to that stuff anymore. That was sort of what we listened to growing up, and since then, I’ve moved on to “Album Oriented Rock“, which on most “Classic Rock” stations consists of the same 200 songs over and over again. Granted I know that top 40 radio has about the same amount of songs, but theirs vary over a period of time, and two years later the list has been completely revamped. With classic rock and oldies there’s really no room for growth, which can get a bit repetitive and redundant. The good thing about that though is that they allow for both quick learning of the songs, and once you move on, when you do choose to eventually come back to it, it’ll be there, the exact way you left it.

    This was the case more than 2 years ago when I was driving back from California. On our way through Iowa, we hit what was probably the worst storm I’ve ever driven in. Huge hail and intense rain, and complete darkness, save for the tail-lights of the tractor-trailer I was following. Flipping through the radio furiously in an attempt to find something to ease my anxiety, I stopped at a radio show I hadn’t heard in years. “Rock and Roll’s Greatest Hits” with Dick Bartley. I had listened to his show on weekend nights growing up, when I was going to bed or whatever. The show was exactly the way I remember it, and I hadn’t forgotten the songs; they were just pushed all the way to the back of my mind, like the names of all those kids in my third grade class picture.

    A few months later I got a new cd player/radio for my car and to this day I still can’t figure out how to set the time or radio presets. I’ve worked around it by knowing that right now my clock is fifty-five minutes ahead, and having three FM channels saved and one AM. Unless you like talk radio, there’s no reason to have an AM station saved on there, but it’s a spot that needs to be filled, so I cycled through and to my surprise, one of the few stations was playing oldies. It was alright, but they played too much of a variety. I know that’s a weird thing to say, but I’m just not into all the really old easy-listening/a.m. gold-stuff. So being a station flipper, it’s good for an occasional song, but over an extended period of time, the songs are too erratic to keep listening. On the other hand, I found myself listening more and more as they broadcast Phillies games on the station, and started airing the Dick Bartley shows on the weekends as well.

    The station really didn’t have a lot going for it, other than those stand-bys. Maybe the older people who would typically be listening to it would like the radio personalities, but I found them grating” although not as grating as local “Superstar”, Ken Matthews who will be retiring from his role as the Lehigh Valley’s most obnoxious, over-inflated media personality after 15 years. They had what was billed as the largest Elvis radio library in the country, which I guess for them could be a good thing, and they had a built-in audience from the just sold (in 2001, by clearchannel, due to FCC rules, prompting both stations to change format), “highest rated oldies station in the country”, WODE. I’m not sure how they’d mess it up, because if there’s one place outside of Florida that an oldies station could thrive, it would be in the home of the most listened to oldies station in the country. I guess though, if you don’t advertise yourself, and you’re on a radio band that nobody listens to, even to scroll through, unless you’re looking for right-wing pundits, news, or sports games, you might be able to fail.

    But I’m assuming they did, because one day in August, I happened to hear a moderately saddening commercial. I’m going to paraphrase it, because I don’t remember the specifics (i.e. the names of the people). This is a dialogue. Keep in mind while reading it, that the people in the commercial were extremely energetic, and sounded like Jesus-camp counselors.

    Donny: Coming soon, to the new WYHM, the Donny and Marie morning show [not their actual names]. Filled with family-oriented fun.

    Marie: And our patented witty banter.

    Donny: Some of our topics include the whole “

  • Fancy-Schmancy Pet Food


    If they’re good enough for gourmet food, they’re good enough for Iraq. Photos courtesy of www.petsinuniform.com. Check out their “exotics” page TODAY!

    I’m curious to see what The Bookshelf’s current vet-in-training has to say about this, if anything.

    I don’t understand the appeal things like this. Yes, that’s right, “premium holistic gourmet dog and cat food”. I suppose there are some people out there who like to completely spoil their pets, but I just don’t get the idea of feeding them expensive gourmet, made-for-animals food. THEY. ARE. DOGS/CATS. They’re not going to complain about what food you give them. Heck, in some countries, they’re the gourmet food. I’d bet that cats might turn their nose and not eat certain cat food, but only if they’ve been exposed to better. If all they’ve ever known is dry pebbles of wheat and “meat”, they’re not going to have any clue of what they’re missing. My dog enjoys the same dry dog food every day and doesn’t write me notes complaining about it. Sure she’d rather have “people food”, but dogs will pretty much eat anything aside from vegetables, as shown by this dog who started munching on some meat that had been laced with pins. He ate over 30 of them. You’d think that after 10 pins (i’m giving him the benefit of the doubt, eh maybe 20), that he’d realize… “OWWW this hurts; Maybe if I stopped eating this meat it wouldn’t hurt.” A dog would probably bite its own ear if it smelled good enough. Yes, dog food doesn’t taste good to us, but does it need to? If the pets will eat it, and it’s healthy enough, that should be all that matters.
    And if you want to pamper your animal with something out of the ordinary, give them some “people food”. A little bit can’t hurt, can it?

    Gourmet Pet food gets no stars because it’s something that’s totally pointless, and yet people still buy it. Word of advice, get the cheap stuff, then you can upgrade to 85% lean ground beef for yourself. MMMMM 85%!! Another word of advice: Dog biscuits are not people food.