Empty Bookshelf Reviews

This is crosspost from Crossing Broad.

It’s always good to see some uniform variety.

Kind of plain, but a good looking baseball game.

This won’t be a guide to all of the awards, but we’ll get through all of the important ones. I’m structuring this as an “Empty Bookshelf Guide” and selectively using the royal “we,” though I’ve not consulted with the Junior Staff for their opinions.

The format will be listing the ten Best Picture nominees, and being that the majority of the nominees for the “big” awards are culled from the Best Picture list, we’ll weave through the other categories and touch on those where appropriate.

In no particular order…

Toy Story 3
I saw this after hearing many peers (mid to late 20s) breathlessly explain how this was “the most emotional movie in the history of ever.” It wasn’t, and it’s not. I’ll award it points for being ostensibly a kids movie which presented a moment where the characters are resigned to their fates and have lots of time to realize that it’s going to happen, but points are deducted because the movie doesn’t follow through with it. That’s manipulative, not emotional, fellow 20-somethings.

The Kids are All Right
This movie is perfectly….fine, but it had no business being nominated and serves to show why so many people outside of California hate California. No, not because of the same-sex parents (which, by the way, is completely not what the movie is about and has little to do with the plot other than it enabling the “kids meet their sperm donor father” plot), but because of the darn “localvore,” organic-this, organic-that California silliness. Think the tone of American Beauty, but less fun. Also, what the heck is going on with the title? The Who song is “The Kids are Alright” which makes some sense and would fit movie (in terms of a title). Spelling it “all right” implies something like, “The Kids are All Correct” – I don’t think that makes sense. There are two kids in the movie, so that would mean, “both of the kids are correct.” Hmm, that still doesn’t really jibe with the movie. Both Mark Ruffalo and Annette Bening were nominated, but try to describe these characters in more than three words, and you’ll find that there wasn’t much material for them to work with and make memorable characters.

Inception
Remember when everyone was like, “The Dark Knight should have been nominated – I mean, it would never win, but it should’ve been nominated?” Inception. Great movie. Nominated. Won’t win. (for such a “smart” story, it was slightly reliant on guns in the third act – blech, I hate using lingo). Also, for you folks arguing/discussing the ending of the movie and whether it’s “real.” Just stop. The whole point of the ending was that it was ambiguous. Speaking of which, Inception had, far and away, the Best Original Screenplay.

The King’s Speech
See? The title’s a double-entendre! Seriously, though, this is a tough one. The movie made speech therapy interesting (sorry for any speech therapists who are reading), and sent me to Wikipedia to read more about that odd time in the British Monarchy, BUT….but, there were better movies that came out in 2010. Honestly, there’s not one thing I’d change in the movie (other than maybe having Guy Pearce play his character from Ravenous instead of a prince, but I digress), but it was just too staid, too safe, and didn’t surprise me (other than the “making the development of modern speech therapy more interesting” thing). In terms of acting for accolades, speech impediments and British Royalty both seem like low-hanging fruit, but darn it, Colin Firth should win for Best Actor.

The Fighter
I generally avoid boxing movies – there’s just something about the false romanticism applied to boxing that grates on my nerves, so this one of the ten movies I was least looking forward to seeing. So, it was a pleasant surprise that it almost avoided any sort of the phony, down-on-his-luck BS that accompanies stories like this. Christian Bale should win Best Supporting Actor. In principle, he’s a bit too much of a capital-A “Actor” for my tastes, but darn it, if you told me he wasn’t the same person who plays Bruce Wayne, I’d believe you (of course I’m ignoring the significant physical change and just going by cadence, body language, and tics). Now, Wikipedia says he stayed in character even when the cameras weren’t rolling, and that’s enough to make me want to slap someone. In terms of the movie, unfortunately it relied too much on the main character being a complete dolt about how much his family was holding him back, so even though it was (closely) based on a true story, that took me out of it. “Bartender with a heart of gold” is bit tougher to pull off than “prostitute with a heart of gold,” but both are in the realm of “awards-bait,” but Amy Adams should win best supporting actress (and they didn’t “uglify” her to really pull on the award strings, so that counts for something).

Black Swan
This is the best movie of 2010 and maybe the best movie of the decade (whether the 2000s or the 2010s). There, I said it. See my comments above about “the development of modern speech therapy” and replace that with “ballet.” The screenplay and direction combine to hit notes of hard drama, suspense, sexy thriller, sports-drama (underdogs and all that), psychological horror, stuff-jumping-out-at-you horror, as well as the risky “movie within the movie.” Visually unique, maybe it’s not for everyone; here’s a negative review where I’d actually agree with him about pretty much every point, EXCEPT that my conclusion would be that it all worked. The last few shots (when she’s at the top of the “mountain” on the stage then jumps as the music hits the false crescendo until the fade to white) are perfect filmmaking. Every detail is perfect. The music (seriously the song has two finale crescendos which strike wildly disparate moods, yet are both…perfect. Those crazy Russians), the disconcerting push-pull as she appears to float onto the waiting mattress, her eyes, the audience which can’t contain its cheers which continue through to the end titles. Natalie Portman (who the Internet has apparently always thought can’t act?) should and will win the Best Actress award, but I see the Best Picture trophy going to a safer pick. Darren Aronofsky should be a shoe-in for Best Director, and Black Swan should also win for editing. Also, give it the Best Cinematography award, too. Sure, you’re thinking True Grit (“ooh, sweeping vistas!” says my dad) or The Social Network (“they shot so much in low light – think of the types of lenses they needed to use!” says the movie nerd [note: "nerd," not "geek"]), but this is an artistic award, not a technical one, and the only truly unique “sweeping vistas” I’ve seen were in The Fall. It’s easy to make a sunset look artistic.

Soapbox warning: for you internet folks out there complaining that Clint Mansell was not eligible for the Soundtrack award, listen to his “arrangement” of the most dramatic and compelling scene of the movie with the most complementary music (the final scene), then compare it to Tchaikovsky’s original. Go on. I’ll wait. Yeah, adding two measures of glorified vamping to give the director room for another shot before the big finish doesn’t mean that the Academy’s rules are old-fashioned, and it was a travesty he was not DQ’d. Sorry, internet.

True Grit
Along with The Fighter, I wasn’t looking forward to watching this, but it was a pleasant surprise. It kept its “Coen Brothers-ish” tone under control for the most part which kept me happy, but they couldn’t let a few of their beloved “American Eccentrics” stop the movie dead in its tracks (specifically
the “doctor” with the bear skin); “hey character actor – how about you stare at the main characters and say things in a weird syntax with an even weirder, non-placeable but eminently ‘American’ accent while we roll the cameras until we get a take we like.” Also, what’s more Coen-ish than a precocious 14 year old girl with a passion for lawyering (and revenge)? BUT, my main concern was that Jeff Bridges was going to turn his role into a vanity project with the huge leeway afforded by the character’s accent (and wanting to separate the role from John Wayne’s original take on it) and tear up the scenery. I was pleasantly surprised that once I accepted his growling accent after five minutes of it, I was on-board and for such a broadly drawn character, and I actually enjoyed watching him. Hailee Steinfeld didn’t so much act as successfully spit out the typically Coens-ish dialogue (that’s not a knock on her), and enjoyable to watch or not, she wasn’t a supporting actress, she was the whole F’N show, so out of principle I won’t even consider her for that award.

The Social Network
Keeping up the theme of “making something not-interesting interesting for two hours,” The Social Network worked. I was less enamored than many others (Mark goes to California, his best friend is royally screwed, the movie abruptly ends). Aaron Sorkin avoids his typical speechifying, and provides the Best Adapted Screenplay, which is why the movie is so enjoyable, and actually could be the reason that Jesse Eisenberg won’t be stuck playing “think ‘Michael Cera,’ but with darker hair” roles until he’s 35. Like other David Fincher movies, there’s a lot of crazy special effects/camera tricks going on which don’t call attention to themselves (the crew race was filmed with no one in the stands, and famously quoted by people who have the internet, the twin jerks were played by one guy.) Speaking of the twin jerks, the fact that they’re entitled jerks but that you still get a sense that they were unceremoniously screwed by Zuckerberg hints at the strength of the screenplay, actors, and director. Also, because True Grit was not eligible for Best Soundtrack (and TRON Legacy wasn’t nominated to provide some competition), Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross should get an Oscar to match their Golden Globe. (special note: I’m still undecided about the TRON Legacy soundtrack. I agree with this review more than I disagree with it. The album is a little too “safe” and doesn’t stand out as anything other than a post-Batman Begins soundtrack.)

Winter’s Bone
I knew nothing about this movie when I saw it other than its poster. Naturally, I assumed it was about kids hunting for treasure while it was cold outside. With a canoe. Wow, that was not what the movie was about. At all. Unless a deadbeat dad is considered “treasure” in the sadder parts of Arkansas! Ha! Poverty Humor! Speaking of poverty, the movie was more enjoyable than this critic implies [special note: he uses the awesome and awesomely made-up word "yokelocracy" (and if you saw the movie you'd understand how precisely appropriate his word is)], but I agree with his point that the movie is glorified “poverty porn.” Maybe it was written/based on some intensely researched and nuanced perspective of the greater Ozarks, but if I were to be tasked with “write a three paragraph description of the meth-addled South,” I don’t think it’d be too different from what we see up on the screen. Like “The Kids are All Right,” [alternatively titled: "Both Children are Correct"] it won’t win and has no business winning, but they needed ten nominees to make up for not nominating “The Dark Knight” two years ago.

127 Hours
Coming off of “Slumdog Millionaire,” and one of my top 5 movies, “Sunshine” (well, the first two-thirds and the final 3 minutes of it), Danny Boyle had an opportunity to establish himself, but he didn’t trust his sound team enough. Let me explain. This movie should really be titled, “he cuts his own damn arm off with a dull blade,” so, of course, that’s the critical moment. It makes the movie. Sound people in Hollywood were drooling for this contract; what exactly is the sound of a dull blade cutting through ligament, tendon, flesh, muscle, bone, and marrow? Well, they came up with it (did they ever), and instead of letting the sounds speak for themselves (hmm – I guess that’s an oddly literal figurative expression in this case) Boyle kept the camera in a series of tight shots of the cutting process, when the risky move would have been to re-establish the precariousness of the situation with a shot showing the entire canyon, then letting that sickly sound establish that the cut had been successful. Risk = reward, and Boyle didn’t trust his sound team with that risk. It needed only to be visually OR aurally shocking; both were too much.

So, some wrap-up to cover all of my bases…

Other than Natalie Portman, I don’t think Black Swan will win anything, so generally, where I circled Black Swan, transfer it to The King’s Speech.

Best Picture Nominee I liked and appreciated as a “good” movie, but would actively avoid watching in the future (also called the Schindler’s List award): Winter’s Bone.

Safe pick for the Best Picture Nominee I would recommend to my mom (who doesn’t like violence, excessive swearing, excessive sex, excessive volume, and is a constant risk for falling asleep any time after 9:00PM): The King’s Speech.

Risky pick for the Best Picture Nominee I would recommend to my mom (but wouldn’t want to be in the same room or reachable by telephone after): Black Swan.

Best Picture Nominee I would not want to watch with my mom in the same room: Black Swan.

Best Picture Nominee I’d flip past on TBS during another show’s commercial break, then watch until well after the original commercial break ended, causing me to miss my show: True Grit

Best Picture Nominee I’ll watch out-of-order in 5 minute chunks on FX over the course of two months: The Fighter.

Best Picture Nominee which needs a sequel or spin-off (degree of difficulty, low): Toy Story 3.

Best Picture Nominee which needs a sequel or spin-off (degree of difficulty, cash-in): The King’s Speech.

Best Picture Nominee which needs a sequel or spin-off (degree of difficulty, high): True Grit (maybe about Matt Damon’s character?)

Movie which could easily get a spin-off or sequel but shouldn’t: Inception.

Movie which should’ve taken the place of either “Both Children are Correct” or Winter’s Bone: Blue Valentine.

Best Picture Nominee about which I wrongly underestimated before I saw it: The Fighter.

Best Picture Nominee to recommend to people who don’t usually like ‘Best Picture Nominee-type movies’ (degree of difficulty, The Departed): The Social Network.

Best Picture Nominee to recommend to people who don’t usually like ‘Best Picture Nominee-type movies’ (degree of difficulty, The English Patient): Winter’s Bone.

Four-and-a-half stars – It was a pretty good year for movies.

Well, like the real Eagles, I didn’t end with the right kind of streak, but if the NFC West has taught us anything, anyone can make the playoffs this year.  (and FYI, I had a better record than the Seahawks).

We’ve seen the Eagles play the Packers already this year, but thankfully, unlike last week’s repeat game against Dallas, we’ll see a different uniform match-up for their sequel.  In week 1, the Eagles brought out their well-liked (not as much by me, but there certainly are worse options out there) 1960 throwbacks, but this week, we’ll see them in their normal Midnight Green over White combination.

The Packers did wear…. unique throwbacks once this season, but it’s more than safe to say that they will not be wearing them this week (or maybe ever again?).  Anyway, we’ll see the Packers in White over Yellow.  As I said in Week 1, it’s a good (maybe great?) look, but it’s not quite the look the way that their Green over Yellow combination is.

Sunday at 4:30 will be a match-up of perhaps the best “classic” uniform with the best “modern” uniform.  It’ll be a real barn burner.  (note: other finalists for “classic” and “modern” bests include the Bears and Texans, respectively.  Sorry Jaguars, you were in consideration for “best modern,” but your  post-2008 set is awful.  Also, sorry Buccaneers‘ fans, I just forgot about you until now.)

The Wildcard Weekend UniDiction

Either 2, 3, 6, or 7 points awarded for each category (safety, field goal, touchdown, touchdown+point after, of course)

Helmet

Eagles: 7 — Same as always.  Definitely one of the best helmet designs in the league.  I’m a sucker for “functional“ helmet designs.

 Packers: 6 — Like I said in Week 1, there is nothing to change about this helmet, but in the mean time, I’ve developed an appreciation for what I’m calling “functional” helmets.  A static “G,” no matter how strong the proportions and supporting details, is kind of… static.  Maybe if the helmet had a net pattern with a cheese graphic inside.  Well, maybe not.

Jersey

Eagles: 6 — When fans think of the “post-Cunningham” Eagles, they’re picturing the Midnight Green jerseys.  A unique, bold color, detailed strokes and drop shadows on the numbers, and nice use of logos on the sleeves and collar.  I’m sorry Eagles fans, but I’ve decided I’d prefer the use of stroke only instead of stroke and drop-shadow.  I guess the drop-shadow adds some visual depth to the letters, but how about just using a double-stroke instead of stroke+drop-shadow?  Oh well, it’s still better than most any other “modern” uniform.

 Packers: 6 — I generally don’t like White jerseys, but the Packers do have a few nice details, including Green-Yellow-Green sandwich stripes on the shoulders which aren’t quite contiguous, so the White jersey peaks through, increasing the contrast of each stripe.  The two color piping around the neck hole is appreciated as well.  I’m going to have to take a point away because the Green jersey is better, and even though the decision is out of the hands of the Packers because they’re the visiting team, I’ll still hold it against them.  (Go Eagles)

Pants + Socks

Eagles: 6 — The White pants provide nice contrast with the solid green of the jersey, and instead of plain white, the thick Black ad Green stripes (with the pencil thin grey stripe) on the side of the pants gives them a slightly modern touch.  Black over White socks also break up the White from the pants.  Minus one because I’d be interested in seeing Midnight Green socks.

 Packers: 7 — I have to say, Yellow is risky pick, and they make it work.  The pants have a traditional sandwich stripe (White meat, Green bread), and with the high contrast of the Green socks, it all comes together perfectly.  That’s the full 7 points.

 Intangibles

Eagles: 7 — This is really a battle of who wears Green better.  And, because the Packers aren’t wearing Green this week, the Eagles win that battle.  Thankfully the Eagles aren’t at Lambeau for this game.

 Packers: 3 — See above about the battle of Who Wears Green Best, and their throwbacks this year were more-than-kind-of unfotunate.  Those throwbacks are the kind of things which silently damage a team’s chances.  Intangibles.

Final Score

Eagles 26

Packers 22

This is going to be a good-looking game, folks.

Blech.  Like a huffy, post game Andy Reid, let’s just say I don’t want to talk about last week.  In fact, it was the worst uniform upset of the season.

So, that leads us to Week 17, when there’s a good chance the games won’t matter.  And true to form, that’s what we get this year.  The starters are resting, their playoff seeding can’t improve, and tickets are in the $80 range… for a home game against the Cowboys.  Really.  I guess the Cowboys could be playing for Jason Garrett’s continued employment,  but detailed analysis of anything but the Cowboys’ uniforms or of-field sucktitude is beyond the scope of Crossing Broad.

In general, fan reaction to the 1960 throwbacks worn in week 1 was immsensely positive.  Even for fans like me who didn’t particularly like the specific uniform, it was nice to see Kelly Green make an appearance (its first since 1995).  So, with an opportunity to make some aspect of Week 17 interesting by wearing the throwbacks (and in cynical terms, provide an advertising platform for them), the Eagles chose not to rock the boat, and they’ll wear their normal Midnight Green over White combination.  Boring.

Now, a quick word about NFL uniform scheduling: NFL teams must annouce the uniform plan for the entire season sometime in the summer, before the first preseason game.  (This is unrelated to when teams change their uniforms/logos/branding.  Those decisions are made years in advance.  I’m talking of the nitty-gritty “which jersey with which pants” schedule and deciding the up-to-two regular season games where they’ll wear wear the third jersey, whether it’s a throwback or a normal alternate that particular season.  This is why we didn’t see the Eagles black jersey this year.  They only get one “third” jersey in a given year.)  Uniform-enthusiast-friendly teams like the Texans publicly annouce the entire schedule in the summer, while other teams (like the Eagles) announce the uniform combinations the week of the game, and there are plenty of teams which announce nothing, making my job quite difficult if they have numerous uniform combinations (Redskins, Saints, Rams, etc. — though only the Redskins were on the Eagles’ schedule this year).  So, all that to say, the uniform decisions are made early in the season, so the Eagles couldn’t see that Week 17 wasn’t looking particularly compelling, then decide to switch from the normal uniforms to the throwbacks because of that.

 But, for some armchair uniform scheduling (which is almost as awesome lame as uniform-based fantasy sports), my pundit-ish comments are as follows:

• Throwbacks for week 1 and week 17 would have been nice bookends for the season, which conveniently started and ended at home
• It gives fans something to look forward to for a potentially dreary week 17 match-up
• Week 17 was a Cowboys game, so it’s easily considered a “special” game.  (in retrospect, we can see that we fans really don’t give a crap about the Cowboys rivalry if the game doesn’t matter, and the Cowboys have a season which is known for nothing other than serial underperformance).
• Merchandise.  (though maybe they should’ve worn them against the Cowboys in the away game which was pre-Christmas.)

So, punditry aside, this is the same uniform match-up we saw in Week 14.

In summary from last time: the Cowboys almost always wear White, and the Cowboys White and Color uniforms are horrendously inconsistent (see my image below):

Click on the picture for the larger version.

The UniDiction

Either 2, 3, 6, or 7 points awarded for each category (safety, field goal, touchdown, touchdown+point after, of course)

Helmet

Eagles: 7 — Same as always.  Definitely one of the best helmet designs in the league.  I’m a sucker for “functional“ helmet designs.

 Cowboys: 6 — It’s iconic and perhaps the most understated detail in a $1.3 billion shrine to American opulence.  One point is removed because the shade of Silver doesn’t match the Silver pants… either of them. (note: for color professionals out there, please spare me the “it’s difficult to match colors on different substrates, especially if metal fleck is a component.”  I know, but they’ve had 40+ years to get it right!

Jersey

Eagles: 7 — When fans think of the “post-Cunningham” Eagles, they’re picturing the Midnight Green jerseys.  A unique, bold color, detailed strokes and drop shadows on the numbers, and nice use of logos on the sleeves and collar.

 Cowboys: 6 — There are few things Eagles fans hate more than the sight of a Cowboys jersey, especially if it’s White.  Objectively, it’s a 6 (the shoulder stripes break up the plain-ness of it, though the Black strokes on the sleeve stripes don’t match the stroke-less numbers), but subjectively, we’re giving it a 1.  Objectively, it’s a 6, so this week, it gets a 6.

Pants + Socks

Eagles: 6 — The White pants provide nice contrast with the solid green of the jersey, and instead of plain white, the thick Black ad Green stripes (with the pencil thin grey stripe) on the side of the pants gives them a slightly modern touch.  Black over White socks also break up the White from the pants 

 Cowboys: 3 — OK, Cowboys.  Get your colors figured out, and we’ll talk.  I do like the sandwich stripes on the pants, though.

 Intangibles

Eagles: 0 — Sure, I was complaining earlier in the season that the Eagles should skip the White at Home nonsense, and get out their Midnight Green jerseys ASAP, and I know beggars can’t be choosers, but I’m going to beg and choose.  They should’ve worn throwbacks this week.

 Cowboys: 2 — I may have offered more points here if they were in their Navy over Silver combination (obscurity=points, people), but they’re not.  Generally, they’re a nice uniform set which is almost synonymous with “NFL” (similar to the effect of the Packers’ uniforms), but they’re still the Cowboys.  Hey Jerry.  How about making your uniforms…you know, uniform?

 Final Score

Eagles 20

Cowboys 17

See you next week for a special Playoff Edition UniDiction!

Sure, both uniforms are nice, but we’ve seen them already this year…

So, it turns out that White is not really in either team’s official color scheme…

Another week, another win.  When will the Pro Bowl of unlikely prediction systems be held?

Simply, the Vikings have one of the least loved uniforms in all of sports.  The reason is they’ve got two big things working against them.  1) The color scheme.  Purple just doesn’t scream “sports!” to most people [especially this guy], and 2) The hideous, high school-looking uniform template.

Case in point, if you’re someone who can get past the Purple and Yellow, their current throwbacks are quite nice, with lots of classic football details (Northwestern stripes on the sleeves [I'm a sucker for the subtle Yellow stroke on the White stripes — details people!], sandwich stripes on the pants, and even if you hate Purple out of Principle [hey, that could be the name for an awful band], it’s not like Purple and Yellow don’t go together.

So when they wear their throwbacks for two games each season, the world breathes a sigh of “good enough” (the socks could use some stripes — I’m just saying), but every other week… wow, that’s bad.  In the interest of providing somewhat useful commentary beyond, “it’s bad, trust me!” I think the designers were going for a shape on the sleeves, torso, and pants which evokes the “Viking horn,” which is already features prominently on the helmet.  Or worse, do the panels evoke the shape of the mustache of the Viking head logo [or maybe the mustache is supposed to look like the helmet horns?  weird]?  If those aren’t it, I can’t really wrap my mind around what is is beyond “random panels strewn about.”  The Viking head logo inexplicably shows up on the hip, and with its White background, all it does is “break” the continous nature of the panels connecting the jersey and pants.  The Yellow Stroke around the various panels doesn’t terminate with the panels themselves.  Why, oh uniform designers, why?  (this is kind of like an inverted take on the Falcons’ equally ridiculous non-terminating pants details.)  It works a little better with the Purple pants, but, they’ve worn them something like three times in the last four seasons (though twice this year), so it’s almost like it doesn’t count.

The Eagles are wearing Midnight Green over White this week, so that puts the Vikings in White jerseys.  Overwhelmingly, the Vikings wear the White jerseys with White pants, but for completeness’ sake, I’ll mention that they wore Purple pants with White jerseys against the Bears in November.  And that was a… special look.  Speaking of special looks, they also paired the Purple jersey with Purple pants against the Cardinals this year in what I’ll call a Purple Out.  I wish I could say, “no one was harmed in the wearing of those uniforms,” but I honestly just don’t know.  I just don’t know!  The Purple pants are exceedingly rare, so it’s safe to assume we’ll see the White over White combination.

Among a variety of ugly combinations, I will mention that Purple over White is the best one, and the high contrast between jersey and pants works to somewhat lessen the jarring nature of those inexplicable/horn(?) panels.

The UniDiction

Either 2, 3, 6, or 7 points awarded for each category (safety, field goal, touchdown, touchdown+point after, of course)

Helmet

Eagles: 7 — Same as always.  Definitely one of the best helmet designs in the league.  I’m a sucker for “functional“ helmet designs.

 Vikings: 7 — I’ve included the above blurb about liking “functional” helmet designs for almost all of this season, so in the interest of putting my money where my mouth is, here’s the full seven points for the Vikings and their equally “functional” helmet.  I don’t love (or even like) the Purple, but it’s much better than when teams simply dump their logo on the sides of a helmet.

Jersey

Eagles: 7 — When fans think of the “post-Cunningham” Eagles, they’re picturing the Midnight Green jerseys.  A unique, bold color, detailed strokes and drop shadows on the numbers, and nice use of logos on the sleeves and collar.

 Vikings: 1 — See the detailed review of the inexplicable panels, above.  They’re getting a single point because I like the Yellow Stroke around the numbers and name.

Pants + Socks

Eagles: 6 — The White pants provide nice contrast with the solid green of the jersey, and instead of plain white, the thick Black ad Green stripes (with the pencil thin grey stripe) on the side of the pants gives them a slightly modern touch.  Black over White socks also break up the White from the pants.  Minus one because I’d be interested in seeing Midnight Green socks.

 Vikings: 2 — The panel on the pants isn’t any more explicable than on the jerseys.  Two points because of just how crazy  and unexpected the Viking head logo on hip panel “sub-panel” is.  Also, they’re not the Purple pants, so that’s worth something.

 Intangibles

Eagles: 7 — Without meaning to get ahead of ourselves, this may be the last regular season appearance of this uniform set (more on this during the week), and at the minimum, it will be the last appearance of 2010 (the year, not the football season), so let’s hope they go out with a bang.

 Vikings: 3 — They wore their nice throwbacks last week, so there may some residual effect this week, unfortunately.

Final Score

Eagles 27

Vikings 13

Random related uniform trivia: The Vikings wear different helmets with the throwbacks than with the normal uniforms.  Notice the face mask (grey vs. purple) and the horn detail (the new helmet has shaded relief to give a hint of depth).

Random unrelated uniform trivia: The Bengals brought out their solid Black combination last week.  Many people hate the Bengals uniforms, especially the combinations which don’t involve any White components, but for whatever reason, I have a bit of a soft spot for their uniforms, and at the minimum, the extreme contrast between the solid Black of the Bengals and the solid White of the Browns     was an interesting look.

Those Vikings uniforms are awful.

Luckily, I take credit for a win no matter how close the predicted score is to the actual score, so that Cowboys game was another in the win column, thank you very much.

 So, we’re at the second Giants game of the year.  I got the first one pretty much spot-on, so let’s see what we can do about the second one.

 The Giants are rarely a “White at Home” team, so we’ll see them in Blue over Grey.  I detailed this last time, but for a quick recap, both Giants home and away pants are grey, but the away pants show a red-blue-red set of offset, thin stripes, and the home pants are the same grey, except with wider, connected blue-red-blue stripes.  I’ll call this a nice attention to detail sort of…um, detail, but really, kind of boring, regardless of the execution.  Let’s face it, Grey (not Silver) is not a dynamic color; in sports, it’s most often thought of as the drab base color used for MLB’s away uniforms.  There’s a reason people think of this, not this when they think of the Cardinal.

 The Giants have what is inarguably a classic uniform, but is that enough to beat the Eagles in their second-tier White over Green combination?

Helmet

Eagles: 7 — Same as always.  Definitely one of the best helmet designs in the league.  I’m a sucker for “functional“ helmet designs.

Giants: 6 — OK, sue me.  I like it more this week than I did last time.  The Metallic Blue with a simple Red stripe with the perfectly proportioned logo simply works.  A point is subtracted because this helmet was designed in the 1950s.  The Giants couldn’t come up with a better design more recently?

Jersey

Eagles: 3 — The White jerseys are unfortunately nondescript compared to the Midnight Green.  I’ve said it before, so I’ll say it again, the White jersey just doesn’t say “Eagles” the way that the Green one does.  Sure, it’s grown on me a bit this season, but it’s not the one.

Giants: 3 – Their solid Blue home jersey is unfortunately described as, well, just that.  It’s a solid Blue jersey with White numbers and name.  They’re hiding a small “ny” logo above the front numbers, but that’s it.  It suffers from the same problem as this year’s Eagles throwbacks.  There’s just nothing there other than a sea of Blue.  Classic or not, this is boring.  At least their White jerseys (with their misbegotten Red accents) have Northwestern stripes on the sleeves to have something going on other than numbers on a solid color.

Pants

Eagles: 3 — The green pants are still a dubious decision at best.  The Midnight Green tends to look generically “dark” on the lower half of the body, not an immediately noticeable color.  The two-tone socks also work better with the white pants than the green pants.

Giants: 2 — As mentioned above, Grey is a color suited (pun!) baseball team’s drab, away, set, not a major component of a football uniform.  No no no.  This is all unfortunate because the wide, connected stripe pattern is a nice, visually interesting touch, and of course, the Blue socks contrast nicely with the White sanitaries (sure, most colors contrast with White, but still…)

 Intangibles

Eagles: 6   Green is a Christmas color.  Bring it, Giants fans.

Giants: 1 — Here’s one point for having a classic uniform set and I’d rather them dress like this than like this, so I can respect their respect for history.  BUT, let’s face it, history class can be boring if the topic isn’t interesting, and the Giants uniforms are pre-World War I history of Europe.  Giants fans (and 19^th century European history buffs), bring it on.

Final Score:

Eagles 19 

Giants 12

Random unrelated uniform trivia:

The Cardinals and the Texans wore solid Red last week.  The Texans get my vote.

The Chiefs looked pretty darn good in their (rarely seen, but second time in 3 weeks) Red pants, and Falcons decided on a White-out.

Eh, the Eagles in White, and the Giants in Boring Blue. Nothing to see here this week.

Called it.  9-4.

Maybe it’s not the biggest game of the season in terms of records, but it’s Eagles/Cowboys, so it’s always an event.

 Throughout the previous 13 weeks of UniDictions, I’ve made numerous references to the concept of “White at Home” teams, and now that the Redskins have broken their “rule” and brought out their spectacular, new Maroon over Yellow combination (and even the rare-before-this-season Maroon over White) for games in Maryland, this leaves Dallas as the only full-season “White at Home” team (I’m ignoring their primarily blue throwbacks they wore against the Saints on Thanksgiving, though.).

Because of their strict White at Home rule, it is very uncommon to see the Cowboy’s solid Navy jersey uniform set (details of why I’m calling it a “set” instead of just a jersey are outlined below).  In fact, they won’t even be worn once this year (big news related to this, later).  Usually, this uniform is only seen when they player either (A) other “White at Home” teams [such as the “warm weather” teams in September and October] or (B) home teams looking to capitalize on the supposed bad luck which accompanies the Blue jerseys stemming from a playoff loss in 1968.  The Eagles have been known to play into this jinx as well (’99, ’01, ’06 , ’07 and the NFC Championship game in 1981).

A quick note on the following: I claim none of this following research as my own (though the illustrative graphic is my own).  Check out the much more detailed ESPN.com Uniwatch write-up by Paul Lukas for even more gory details.  Pretty much everything is summed up in this picture of the mediocrity, but the highlights:

• The White and Blue jerseys are different designs (not just “inverted” dark and light colors), including offset stroke around the numbers on the Blue jerseys, logo on the throat on the Blue jerseys, logo on the sleeves on the Blue jerseys.
• The colors don’t match (intra- and inter-uniform).  The solid color jersey is Navy.  Where’s the Navy on the White uniform set?  Instead, the blue on the White uniform set is Royal Blue. The pants are different shades of Silver, neither of which matches the helmet.
• Sleeve stripes on the White jersey are two, wide Royal Blue stripes with Black strokes, sleeve stripes on the Navy jerseys are White-Silver-White sandwich stripes with an incongruous Star logo sitting in the middle of set of stripes.

Click on the picture for the larger version.

The UniDiction

Either 2, 3, 6, or 7 points awarded for each category (safety, field goal, touchdown, touchdown+point after, of course)

Helmet

Eagles: 7 — Same as always.  Definitely one of the best helmet designs in the league.  I’m a sucker for “functional“ helmet designs.

 Cowboys: 6 — It’s iconic and perhaps the most understated detail in a $1.3 billion shrine to American opulence.  One point is removed because the shade of Silver doesn’t match the Silver pants… either of them. (note: for color professionals out there, please spare me the “it’s difficult to match colors on different substrates, especially if metal fleck is a component.”  I know, but they’ve had 40+ years to get it right!”

Jersey

Eagles: 7 — When fans think of the “post-Cunningham” Eagles, they’re picturing the Midnight Green jerseys.  A unique, bold color, detailed strokes and drop shadows on the numbers, and nice use of logos on the sleeves and collar.

 Cowboys: 1 — There are few things Eagles fans hate more than the sight of a Cowboys jersey, especially if it’s White.  Objectively, it’s a 6 (the shoulder stripes break up the plain-ness of it, though the Black strokes on the sleeve stripes don’t match the stroke-less numbers), but subjectively, we’re giving it a 1.

Pants + Socks

Eagles: 6 — The White pants provide nice contrast with the solid green of the jersey, and instead of plain white, the thick Black ad Green stripes (with the pencil thin grey stripe) on the side of the pants gives them a slightly modern touch.  Black over White socks also break up the White from the pants 

 Cowboys: 3 — OK, Cowboys.  Get your colors figured out, and we’ll talk.

 Intangibles

Eagles: 6 — Have I gotten used to the Midnight Green over White, and now it’s old-hat and not worth the full 7? 

 Cowboys: 0 — The Cowboys suck.  I may have offered a few points here if they were in their Navy over Silver combination (obscurity=points, people), but they’re not.  Hey Jerry.  How about making your uniforms…you know, uniform?

 Final Score

Eagles 26

Cowboys 11

Random unrelated uniform trivia: The Ravens sported Purple over Black last weekend for the first time since 1996 (and another view of the Purple jerseys over Black pants from ’96).  Not a good look…

Random related uniform trivia: here are some pictures of a rather hideous Cowboys semi-throwback (some call them “fauxbacks”) from the mid-90s (and according to Wikipedia, up to 2003,  the year before the current throwbacks were introduced).  Notice the “normal” helmet and the offset stroke on the numbers (even on the White jersey version).  At the minimum, we can agree that the current throwbacks (with a White helmet) are a better look.

Also, here’s an even more in-depth overview of their uniform history (I’ve sort of taken the premise that the uniform hasn’t much changed since 1964, even though that’s not quite the case).

Classic old school and classic “new school” uniforms are a nice combination.

OK, so maybe last week wasn’t my finest.  I could invoke the “score wraps to zero every 28 points” clause, but that’d just be sad.  My (and the Eagles’) loss makes the system 7-4.

Next up, the Texans.  My process for doing these UniDiction usually involves scouring the Internet for pictures of the various uniform combinations for the “pre-UniDiction” segment, and usually, these searches end up on random team-related forums because that’s really the only place (other than UniWatch Blog, you’ll find people discussing the finer points of infrequently seen uniform combinations, of which the Texans have more than their fair share.  Digging through these forums, I found out something amazing about Texans fans.

They hate the Cowboys.

Awesome.  I think I may have just picked my “AFC team I’ll say I’ll follow, but will likely ignore unless they make it to the Super Bowl against someone other than the Eagles.”

But wait.  There’s more.

The Texans have somewhere between “a whole bunch” and “a bajillion” uniform combinations, but, get this, they announce all of them before the season starts.  (note: the Bengals, another team with a whole lot of possible combinations, do this too, but let’s face it, I already have an AFC team…. which I picked two minutes ago).  People in the Texans’ PR and media departments — thank you.

Onto the uniforms.

The Eagles (who kindly announce their uniforms the Tuesday before the game) are wearing what should be their “official” home uniform, Midnight Green over White, and the Texans, according to their oh-so-handy uniform schedule, are in White over Blue.

The Texans have three special monochrome combinations, and they get special names.  All-red is “Battle Red,” solid Blue is “Deep Steel Blue,” and White over White is “Liberty White.”   Every now and then (twice ever?), they’ll wear Red over White, and their normal home uniform is Blue over White.  If I had to pick one, I think I’d go with the Red over White, but that might only be because it’s rare.  In general, it’s a good looking uniform, though, and the fact that it’s from after 2000, and doesn’t look like a space suit, is a nice touch.

The UniDiction

Either 2, 3, 6, or 7 points awarded for each category (safety, field goal, touchdown, touchdown+point after, of course)

Helmet

Eagles: 7 — Same as always.  Definitely one of the best helmet designs in the league.  I’m a sucker for “functional” helmet designs.

Texans: 6 — Sure, Red, White, and Blue don’t make the most unique combination of colors, but it works (and the Red has a slight amount of blue in it, and they’re using Navy, so it’s not exactly the same as the standard “red, white, and blue.”).  The steer’s head makes a “T” for Texas, and the whole thing evokes the Texas flag.

Jersey

Eagles: 7 — When fans think of the “post-Cunningham” Eagles, they’re picturing theMidnight Green jerseys.  A unique, bold color, detailed strokes and drop shadows on the numbers, and nice use of logos on the sleeves and collar.

Texans: 3 — I’m not a big fan of White jerseys in general, but the Red numbers really pop, and the Blue patches at the shoulder are an interesting, unique alternative to traditional stripes or trim on the sleeves.

Pants + Socks

Eagles: 6 — The White pants provide nice contrast with the solid green of the jersey, and instead of plain white, the thick Black ad Green stripes (with the pencil thin grey stripe) on the side of the pants gives them a slightly modern touch.  Black over White socks also break up the White from the pants 

Texans: 6 — I’m a sucker for the fact that they use White as the “meat” and Red as the “bread” of the “sandwich” striping.  Keeping that ridiculous metaphor going, it also helps that there’s a nice helping of meat.  It definitely gives them a modern (but understated) look.  I am not a fan of the Blue socks which cause the pants to visually collide with the socks.

 Intangibles

Eagles: 7 — This is the Eagles’ premiere look, so I expect them to play like that.

 Texans: 7 — Nice uniforms and they hate the Cowboys.  That’s the full 7.

 Final Score

Eagles 26

Texans 19

 Random related uniform trivia: The Texans were originally going to use White helmets.  Read more about it (and other lost helmets).

Maybe my favorite uniform match-up of the season.

Another close one last week; me: Eagles 26 – Giants 14, real-life: Eagles 27 – Giants 17.  That makes the system 7-3.

I don’t have a great feeling about this week’s game.  The Eagles are in White over Green, and they’re playing against another one of the “classic” NFL uniforms this week in the Chicago Bears.

As I’ll detail below, I don’t love the Bears uniform (even though they’re wearing the preferred combination), but it’s certainly a good one.

The Bears are generally a Color at Home team, though there have been a few exceptions.  So, even though they have a new throwback this year, they’re saving it for divisional rivals and not the Eagles.  We’ll see them in Navy over White.  (they have been known to wear solid Navy and solid White, but it’s been a few years since either look has appeared).  They also have an Orange alternate, but it won’t be seen this year because the throwbacks take their two slots in the schedule.

The UniDiction

Either 2, 3, 6, or 7 points awarded for each category (safety, field goal, touchdown, touchdown+point after, of course)

Helmet

Eagles: 7 — Same as always.  Definitely one of the best helmet designs in the league.  I’m a sucker for “functional” helmet designs.

Bears: 3 — In terms of design details, the wishbone “C” logo has just enough going for it to not look like a plain letter cop-out.  But, they really need something to break up the two halves of the helmet.  Maybe a White or Orange stripe (or a combination).  The helmet looks more “old” than “classic.”

Jersey

Eagles: 3 — The White jerseys are unfortunately nondescript compared to the Midnight Green.  I’ve said it before, so I’ll say it again, the White jersey just doesn’t say “Eagles” the way that the Green one does.  Sure, it’s grown on me a bit this season, but it’s not the one.

 Bears: 6 — The fact that the orange sleeve stripes all get White strokes is the type of detail we reward here at the uniform desk at Crossing Broad.  The only thing that doesn’t really work is the shade of Navy used.  It just looks….dead.  Thankfully, the White stroke adds some visual punch to the stripes.  PS: The “GSH” on the sleeves stands for “George S. Halas”, an important figure in the history of the Bears and the NFL itself.

Pants + Socks

Eagles: 3 — The green pants are still a dubious decision at best.  The Midnight Green tends to look generically “dark” on the lower half of the body, not an immediately noticeable color.  The two-tone socks also work better with the white pants than the green pants.

Bears: 6 —  Doing pretty much everything right (an Orange and Navy “sandwich” stripe, orange sock stripes with White strokes which match the jersey sleeves), I can only find fault with the fact that the Navy is just too dark to really make the uniform stand-out no matter where it shows up.

 Intangibles

Eagles: 6 — Um….they were wearing White over Green when Michael Vick made it so Madden 98 (for the Genesis) provided a more accurate representation of a “real” NFL game against the Redskins, so that’s got to count for something.

Bears: 2 — My running theme above is, “I like it, but the Navy Blue is too dark,” so being that the Bears’ color are Navy Blue and Orange, this is the only place I can really bring the pain.  Also, the striping is not consistent between the Navy and White version of the pants, jerseys, and socks.  Sure, the Eagles are inconsistent, too, but that’s…. hmm…. it’s different.

Final Score

Eagles 19

Bears 17

Random uniform trivia: The Redskins broke out White jerseys over Yellow Pants for the first time in a long time last week.  It was actually a pretty good look, though it makes jobs like mine especially difficult when trying to predict what they’ll wear.  Thank goodness we’re not playing the Rams this year.  Heck, the Texans will be challenging enough.

One of the better uniform match-ups of the Eagles’ season.