By: Empty Bookshelf Reviews » Thinking of What’s Probably the Best Possible Thing to Put in a Going Away Card Ever

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 13:24:14 +0000

[...] August 30th, 2006 Dan I don’t mean to pat myself on the back….wait….yes I do. Someone I know who is from Switzerland (the French-speaking part, for whatever that’s worth) and spent the last few years living in the US is moving back to Switzerland very shortly. A blank-on-the-inside going away card was passed around, and it was obvious that most people thought about what to write for about 30 seconds then decided on, “Good Luck! We’ll miss you!” No problem, it’s not like they didn’t mean it. But not this guy. I gave it 15 seconds of thought, and inscribed this gem of pure wit: “…and I thought it was a New Jersey accent!” This ranks right up there with Nate’s Christmas card message about people leaving their dogs outside to freeze during Christmas. Incredibly proud of myself, I thought to sign my name to my masterpiece and pass on the increasingly valuable card, except I realized that maybe I didn’t want the recipient thinking I was all funny and not enough serious, so I stamped a “Good Luck! We’ll miss you!” at the end. Best. Going-Away-Message. Ever. I see your “BLANK” and raise it…hmm….awesome hundred dollars. (See, she’s from Switzerland and has a very obvious French accent …. eh, never mind.) [...]

By: Dan

Dan — Wed, 28 Dec 2005 23:14:40 +0000

Hey.. ‘A good laugh was had by all…but the heartless.’ I laughed at that card. If anything, I laughed more because I’m (apparently) heartless…of course, I’m not the one that made the link talking about a dog freezing in the cold go to something about corn dogs, much less their nutritional info. You might also want to look up the spelling of “hierarchy” — because as you should know, misspellings don’t count in our (apparently) ongoing word-making-up competition.

By: Empty Bookshelf Reviews » Christmas 2005

Empty Bookshelf Reviews » Christmas 2005 — Mon, 26 Dec 2005 04:06:46 +0000

[...] December 25th, 2005 Dan Be sure to check out Nate’s review of Christmas cards that this review “posted over” tonight. Sorry Nate, I’m just trying to take care of the Christmas Night Media Blitz. One more down, and lots more to go. It’s not like I hate Christmas, it’s just that I’m a good number of years away from when Christmas was truly an event. I’d like to think that this isn’t just a product of having grown past the age of getting excited about the concept of new toys, but I think in our crass, commercial-driven society, that might very well be the case. As we always disclaim when mentioning something that is not specifically the review’s topic/title, this isn’t a review of “Christmas,” but of Christmas 2005. Today was a lot like Christmas in July, but even more like Christmas in December. We usually hesitate to review things using a rigid structure as that significantly affects the “delivery” of our jokes, insights, etc. that our readership expects of us. I’d call out Kurt’s review of some computer magazine that he did suspiciously near the launching of this website as an example of this, but being that he runs his site on his computer in his dorm room, it’ll be unavailable until he’s back on campus. Needless to say, that review will be the focal point of my review of his site. So, we will go through the day mentioning those “rigid structures,” but not in some sort of bulleted list. Needless to say, today was incredibly warm for the season. Downright mild as the weatherman might say. Some enjoy these sub-Saharan temperatures, but it’s just not right, especially on Christmas. Beyond that, it was rainy. Way rainy. There’s something to be said for snow on Christmas, but of course we remember three years ago when all it did was make the roads treacherous, but rain on Christmas…that’s just dreary. Heck, if we’re lucky, it’ll go below freezing tonight so that it’s a commuting disaster tomorrow morning. Minus 1 star. Christmas is more-or-less the beginning of the almost two month “window” and for good reason. It has been obvious for a number of years and continues to be, almost more so each year. Minus 1. Why do brown sugar and ham go together so well? Chemistry has taught me that reactions are sped up by temperature, so maybe it’s the fact that the ham was served “hors d’oeuvres-style” and the brown sugar crystals had been emplaced on the outside of the ham. All this leads to the fact that when you taste the brown sugar separately from the ham, it’s especially good (remember all the talk about chemical reactions at the beginning of the paragraph? See, the sugar and ham flavors don’t mix until you actually eat it.) Highly recommended. Unfortunately, no desserts were prepared, brought, etc. Minus 0, Plus 0. To be honest, gifts really aren’t that big of a deal anymore for the “feel” of Christmas, so they’re immaterial for the review. But, supporting details for the gifts do count. Needless to say, to mention that my brother was dumb-founded by the interface of a modded Xbox and the programs it enables is an understatement, but to be fair, I had a doozy of a time until I got used to all of it. Again, needless to say I could be putting a lot of time in in “tech support.” Of course, that’s no fault but my own, so I can’t hold the Holiday at fault for it. Minus 0, Plus 0. Christmas 2005 receives two-and-a-half stars due to its nature of being much like most previous Christmases. New to this year was uncharacteristically warm weather and bouts of precipitation that would’ve sent Noah back to the lumberyard. Oh yeah, my family also didn’t/doesn’t have a Christmas Tree because of the super-incompetence of the “contractor” (not) working on our new kitchen and taking up space throughout that part of the house. That’s enough for at least another half-star off. [...]

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By: Empty Bookshelf Reviews » Thinking of What’s Probably the Best Possible Thing to Put in a Going Away Card Ever

By: Dan

By: Empty Bookshelf Reviews » Christmas 2005